baby blooms | spring magnolias | memories

being pregnant with our mystery gender baby was such a delight! we enjoyed so much the pregnancy process. not knowing what we would be having, but just being thankful to grow a human and see what God had planned for our family!

it wasn't always the best feeling, with sickness, migraines and being worried about loss, but each day pregnant was such a gift.

now that he’s here, i often put my head to jack's chest to hear his heart beat and remember so fondly each time we got to have an appointment with our midwife and friend to listen to his beating heart inside my womb.

i get this wonderful feeling inside each time i feel/hear his heart beat.
the same feeling i got when hearing it while he grew. we got to first hear that beautiful beat when he was just 9.5 weeks a' growing. i told my mom the day before, which was a tuesday, the last day i got to spend alone with her before she died. and on that wednesday we got to hear his beating heart for the first time. the gift of new life.

ethan has the appointment on video. we cried. our midwife cried. she had been our friend for around five years, knowing we’d love to have a baby and wanting to work with her. it was a special moment for her to share in, too!

and each time i grew, we captured photos to keep for us and baby for our lifetime. jack loves looking at this photo. we have it printed and we tell him about this date day and how his papa found the perfect blooms and took mama’s photo. how mama loves magnolias the most. how we couldn’t wait to know what kind of baby he/she was. and how we are so thankful it is him. our jack truman.

family. growing. tiny seed. beautiful life.

and to enjoy a pregnancy during the blooms of the spring!? what a gift!

i had a small goal of using the magnolias this spring to capture the same type of photo, in the same outfit with jack on the outside, but i couldn’t find the dress in all the mess of our love burt home renovations (use this link to the hashtag loveburthomereno and my highlight stories to take a look at our progress on instagram) and then the magnolia blooms came and went. i decided not to stress about it and to just be thankful for this gorgeous photo that ethan burt made happen. also, quick shout out to glorious pregnancy hair. my postpartum hair misses you.

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letters to our child | forgiveness | jack truman

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today is my first memory of needing my child’s forgiveness. i wanted to make banana bread and do all the laundry. but little boy had other plans. he needed to be held, talked to, soothed. he is sweet and smells delicious and i am learning his needs. but i was selfish. i needed  to bake. i needed to clean. but really, i didn’t. i wanted. i thought i needed but a perfect gift in front of me is all i needed  to pay attention to. 

i felt the most frustrated because even when i tried to play or soothe or rock or nurse, he still didn’t seem content. he was fussy and fighting. i felt inadequate. which made me more upset. i was short with him and felt myself getting heated. 

i had a decision to make. continue down or make a change. i needed a moment in prayer. i needed  to confess to jack. it started younger than i thought! and i wrote to him in his notebook how sorry i am that he will have to learn so much forgiveness with me. i should teach him, and i will. but i wanted mostly to teach him to forgive others. he will learn it best though, as he has to forgive his own mama. 

i am wonderfully humbled this morning. and i am thankful for the opportunity to pause. guess what? the banana bread is in the oven. one load of laundry is done. the hours are long even though the days are short. i can still find time for both, most days.  

after fighting him to sleep, he slumbers.  

he is beautiful.  

he is my joy.  

i am learning.