rescue | adventures in foster care | at home with bb

rescue | adventures in foster care | at home with bb

photo by  magnolia rayne

we listen to this song, rescue, by lauren diagle a lot. we first heard it around christmas time which was positively perfect. ethan especially broke down hearing the lyrics for the very first time and understanding them so fully being about him and for him. it’s a song we play and sing often and it’s also become the theme of our home. rescue. how can we rescue? God is so good and has rescued us, over and over. we want to be like him.

a few months ago i saw a message that needed immediate attention. it had the potential to change the course of our family and life forever. i couldn’t get through reading it out loud to ethan without a catch in my throat and tears welling. he was affected, too. there is a sibling group needing a forever home. pretty immediately. would we take them? do we want them?

we want them.

our hearts said yes and we communicated and got in touch with the next right people.
we also were in the parking lot just about two minutes from our next BURTco. meeting.
we had to compose ourselves. but even then, we couldn’t focus and had to confess to our couple that our minds are divided because we just found out about kiddos needing a family to call home.

after our meeting we got in contact with the foster mom of one of the kids. she was tender, raw, open, very honest, incredibly compassionate. she was not rushed, she gave us over an hour to ask questions and hear her story and learn more about these siblings. our hearts were pounding. so many emotions. very good and very bad about whether or not we should/could do this.

i immediately just wanted to leap. say yes. so did ethan. i texted two people in particular to start them praying and they did. i could feel God’s presence as we navigated these hours of that evening.

we made it home to put sweet jack boy in bed. we also asked our nanny if she was ready for three more. she said “do you have enough room here!?” bless her soul. she also said yes. yes, of course she’s ready. she amazes us. God is so good to make a way for this beautiful angel of a girl to come alongside us to tenderly care of our family.

looking at jack, preparing his room and things for dark and night and sleep, i felt so many things.
are we ready to make things crazy here? after months of navigating dark emotions, scary depression, horrible sleeplessness for months and months with seemingly no end in sight. things are just getting really good. rhythm like and feeling sustainable. should we break this and invite chaos?

is it safe?
is this right?
could we cause permanent damage to our son or our family by doing this?

i nursed my son and lay him down for rest. i pray for peace and protection and for him to know he is loved.

we were about to begin a phone call in thirty minutes to discuss the situation with the foster mom i mentioned briefly above. we got a notebook and my favorite pen and settled on the couch together. we had an amazing phone call with this beautiful soul. she promised to pray with and for us and these siblings and this situation. it feels like nothing else to connect to another human who loves Jesus. we don’t know anything else about her but man, we are all going to be praising the same God and worshiping forever in heaven one day as brothers and sisters in Christ. and that is freaking cool. chills. we got chills, we felt purpose and mission and built up by someone who has said yes before us and is helping kids in need, someone who can lead us with wisdom and grace.

after getting the full information, which was not all good, these kids are coming from trauma, i did feel more scared, but i also just kept feeling yes. no matter what we felt about our comfort or what to do with the house and our home office and the space we currently have, and the fact that we haven’t even started foster classes yet, we also just felt yes. no reason felt like enough to leave these kids without a home or parents. we have seen how quickly God can work, He is not limited like we are. He can sell a house and magically have another one waiting and He can work around paperwork and rules and systems like no one can. it’s His job to do the Great and Powerful and it’s just ours to obey, say yes, and keep the faith.

before we could get in our own way about this, ethan took my hands in his and began to pray. and cry. to pray-cry.
the prayer was beautiful and my husband is beautiful with words, but trying to remember it now to share, it felt like this :

”God, help us. what do we do? what do you want?! most importantly, what do these kids need most? it is us? you love them even more than we ever could. you see them. you’ve put your love in our hearts for them before even knowing their faces. HELP US. please move. you want them rescued. are we to rescue them? what is your plan for them? give us clarity. give us an answer. bring buyers to our home and put another one right in front of us so we know where to go and when. if we are just faithful and say yes, we trust that you will provide. if you want us to say no or if this isn’t for us, make it abundantly clear. amen”

we then decided we are not allowed to talk any more about it. we need space to listen and to allow God to work. we get in our way with our logic and reasoning. there’s no room for magic and mystery and Holy Spirit when we do that. so we ate dinner and and watched shark tank. we actually felt at peace because we were leaving space for answer. within an hour we had our answer.

we honestly had no idea the answer would come this quickly. we were ready to uproot, invite chaos, figure it out after the yes. if the answer was yes, they would become ours in just three months. we would have four kids under the age of five snap just like that. we’d always said we’d go from zero to five kids in an instant once our family began and here we would have been, not even a full year after our parenting years began with almost exactly that. i would become a preschool mama by the fall. ethan would have so many sons to raise, like he’s always dreamed. we would absolutely need that van like, NOW, if the answer was yes. if the answer was yes, we would be limited to how many we could foster in the future. we wouldn’t be able to take anyone for a while because of the ages and because of needing to settle into our own family and bond and bonding takes a long, long time. if the answer was yes.

but for now, the answer is no. we were told no. the answer came to us. we got the clarity.

so we prayed. and prayed. we knew their names and we prayed for them for the next two months. and, they are getting adopted! we just got the update. a family is taking them and they will be together, remain siblings, grow up together. in a family.


our journey continues.

jack will be one next weekend. pause for crying. and for celebrating! i feel both feelings very deeply.
if you follow me on insta you’ve seen me posting daily newborn photos of jack tru and disbelief that he is nearly one.

we have moved forward with paper work and application process and have a case worker! we will have the case worker in our home for the next right step to become foster parents. our goal has been foster certified by the end of 2019 and we are on our way to making that goal! which feels awesome. i am getting better at slow and patience. and trust.

the adoptive family may have backed out. these kiddos still need prayer and a forever home. we could still be that home, possibly.
things change in an instant with these types of situations and i am learning that very quickly! it’s painful. children’s lives and futures are on the line.
guidance, peace, clarity, answers. this is our prayer.

dream | adventures in foster care

dream | adventures in foster care

water at the well | at home with bb

water at the well | at home with bb